Well I almost made it

Shortly after I got married, I was invited out for a "night out with the boys." I told my wife that I would be home by midnight...I promise! Well, the yarns were being spun and the grog was going down easy, and at around 3am, drunk as a skunk, I went home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for having the presence of mind, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

Next morning, the wife asked me what time I got in. I told her 12 o'clock. Whew! Got away with that one! Then she told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked why, she said, "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, cuckooed another 4 times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, farted, then cuckooed twice more and started giggling."

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