joke time

[Andyman]

My wife is home recovering from surgery and not at her best. I read her this joke and she laughed out loud- I think you made her day, Andy. Thanks for the laugh!

I hope she is all better soon Don

Glad she laughed, it is good medicine

[Andyman]

Two old guys, one 70 and one 75, were sitting on a park bench one morning.

The 75-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 70-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 75-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 70-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want five loaves."

She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this but me.

[boyerbl]

Pete just got married and wanted to take his new Father in Law fishing in his Max 6x6.

Out on the lake Pete baits his hook and drops into the water. His father in law reaching into his tackle box pulls out a stick of dynamite. After lighting it and tossing it into the water resulting in a huge explosion then nets 3 good sized fish.

Pete with a surprised look on his face says “I don’t know if your daughter told you but I am a game warden”

Smiling the father in law reaches back into the tackle box pulls out another stick, lighting it and hands it to Pete.

He then says “Are you going to talk or are you going to fish?”

[Andyman]

[Andyman]

Canadian Super Market

New Canadian Supermarket

Awhile ago a new supermarket opened in Winchester , Ontario. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.

Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is the scent of freshly mowed hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of
charcoal grilled steaks with onions..


When you approach the egg case, you hear hens clucking and cackling, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.


The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.


I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

[jeffery9076]

great jokes made me laugh cannot wait to tell wife

[Andyman]

Camping trip
>
>
>
> Ned was attending his 6x6 club's monthly meeting and had just told them
> he couldn't make the camping trip scheduled for the next day because his wife wouldn't let him go.
>
> After listening to the jeers and other derisive remarks from his fellow
> 6x6 friends Ned left to go back home to his wife.
>
> When Ned's friends started arriving to set up camp the next day, who
> should be there but Ned sitting up in front of his Max, tent up,
> fishing rod in hand, camp oven roast stewing away in a hot bed of coals.
>
> "How did ya talk your wife into letting you go Ned?" "I didn't have to"
> was Ned's reply.
>
> "When I left the meeting I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then my wife snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'!"
>
> When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful see -through negligee and she said, "Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want."
>
> So here I am!

[Andyman]

A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher. Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Dead silence..... The rest of the year went very smoothly.

[Andyman]

TWO GUYS IN LOWE'S
>>
>> Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Lowe's
>> Building Supply when they collide.
>>
>> The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for
>> my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
>>
>> The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my
>> wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
>>
>> The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your
>> wife look like?"
>>
>> The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair,
>> blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a
>> halter top, and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
>>
>> The old guy says...... "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."

[Don]