joke time

[jeffery9076]

Nice andyman

[Andyman]

Someone at the auto repair shop locked the owner's keys inside his car. While the locksmith was working on the driver's-side door lock, the anxious owner walked up and tried the passenger's-side door. It opened.

The locksmith looked up. "Yeah, I already got that one."

[Andyman]

A blonde walks into a bank in central New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in central New York City can I park my Rolls for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

[Andyman]

Why do the British drink warm beer?

Because Lucas Electronics makes their refrigerators.

[Andyman]

A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."
Wife : honey ... you say prayer before eating at home
Husband : that's at home sweetheart ... here the chef knows how to cook.

[Noel Woods]

Why do the British drink warm beer?

Because Lucas Electronics makes their refrigerators.

True indeed. If you've ever owned an old British vehicle you know this first hand. Factory made wiring harnesses like we see in some amphibious vehicles, spliced in multiple places, wires going everywhere, don't get me started in positive ground vehicles.

[jerseybigfoot]

True indeed. If you've ever owned an old British vehicle you know this first hand. Factory made wiring harnesses like we see in some amphibious vehicles, spliced in multiple places, wires going everywhere, don't get me started in positive ground vehicles.

I had an old Mark 2 Jag years ago that required a small brass hammer to start it. The first start in the morning required opening the Bonnet and giving the enrichment carb a small tap..

[Andyman]

A small tap LOL
Not a big tap to where the trunk lid pops open just a small gentle tap.

[Andyman]

How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

[Andyman]

ROBOT FOR SALE:

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some homework."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what p*rn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.