Hillarious Article i found ::WARNING: some vulgar language.

[mustangwagz]

This is f-ing great...i laughed so hard my pet birds started freaking out. hahahaha. Oh **** dang, this truly is great!
I want to give everyone a good laugh!! Please read this through I promise you will not be able to stop laughing



Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely
wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking fo
r a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the but ton. Nothing! I
was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it
against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity
darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet
to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't
be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul)
while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this
thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought
better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to
my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would
work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched
delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily
control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting
the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about
5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded
with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?

I'm sitting there a lone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side
as to say, 'don't do it dip****,' reasoning that a one second burst
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give
myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked
thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION.. . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in
the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes,
body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left
arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture
frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an atempt to avoid getting slammed
by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note
of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent
thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that
point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside
down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh
and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with
Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparrently I **** myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell
was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for
their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid

[Stonewall]

That is HILARIOUS! lol, some people...... I would've zapped the cat.

[highrollinmopars]

That is HILARIOUS! lol, some people...... I would've zapped the cat.

I second that the cat would have to take a hit for the team before me. Thats funny

[coosaridgerider]

That is some funny s###.

[MaxRules]

Although funny, the story is mostly BS. A taser is a magical device that most people simply refuse to learn anything about. Plenty of stories out there like this one and others related to criminals actually being harmed by them. The long and short of it is this: the spread of the taser darts determine the level of incapacitation. A fixed point taser (like the one in the story) hurts like hell but you can definately let go of it because the points are so close together (tasing your leg will not affect your hand). Hmm... facts just ain't funny are they? lol
It's also impossible to be killed or even injured by the electric of a taser. Zip, zero, nada. You might drop to the ground like a bag of rocks and get hurt but the taser itself is harmless.

And yes, I have law enforcement taser training and I'VE BEEN TASED!

[monoped]

There ya go,nothings good without a good demonstration!. Here kitty,kitty.

[spookum]

THanks so so much, i needed a good laugh this morning! When i got my **** together, i would have been crawling around the house "here kitty kitty kityy who wants a treats"???

[lewis]

Very funny, thanks for sharing.

My son tried out the cat collar in his hand once for a millisecond. One of those that has the underground wire and warns you of the approaching doom. It beeped twice and let him have it. He said it felt like a hand full of bees. Note: I told him not to do it but when your young you can take pain a lot better. He now is a believer.

[mustangwagz]

yah we all do stupid things when we're little..(or even up to current date for that matter) when i younger i pee'd on the electric fence...yah...it was one of those HOLY MOTHER OF GOD IN A SIDE CAR, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTIOIN, WHAT THE HELL!! kinda moments!!

[6X6]

LOL. I agree he probably exaggerated the story, but it IS funny as hell. I have hit myself with a stun-gun as well. More of a local contraction and not really painful, though not fun for sure. But I wanted to zap an employee and had to be sure I wasn't going to F* the kid up. (It was also a cheapie, to be fair.)

I've never been tased and sure want to keep it that way.

[gimmegreens336]

that sh** is hilarious dude