An explanation of some of the tools we use to keep these great ATV's up and running. There pretty funny and some are so true.
Drill Press: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat bar
stock out of your hands, striking you in the chest and flinging your beer
across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part on the
workbench.
Wire Wheel: Cleans paint off bolts and throws them under the workbench at
the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and guitar calluses in the time
it takes to say "ouch!"
Electric Hand Drill: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until
you die of old age.
Pliers: Used to round off bolt heads. May also be used to create blood
blisters.
Hacksaw: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija Board principle.
It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion and the
more you attempt to influence its direction the more dismal your failure
becomes.
Vice Grips: Generally used after pliers to further round off a bolt. If
nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding
heat to the palm of your hand.
Oxy-acetylene Torch: Used almost exclusively for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for setting fire to the grease
around that wheel bearing you were trying to remove by heating the hub.
Whitworth Sockets: Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles. Now mostly are hammered over bolts previously rounded by vice
grips.
Hydraulic Floor Jack: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after
installing new brake shoes, trapping the handle firmly under the bumper.
May also be used to lower vehicle onto the plastic pail you drained the
engine oil into, immediately prior to moving the vehicle and spilling oil all
over your concrete driveway.
Two by Four: An eight-foot long bar made of wood used for levering the
vehicle upward off the hydraulic floor jack handle.
Tweezers: A too l for removing 2X4 splinters or wire wheel wires from your
fingers.
E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor: A tool 10 times harder than any known
drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes. Works well in inexpensive or easy to
replace parts but using this tool in expensive parts will cause almost certain
failure.
Two-Ton Engine Hoist: Used for testing the tensile strength of electrical
wires, hoses etc that you forgot to disconnect.
Craftsman 1/2 X 16 inch Screwdriver. A large pry bar that inexplicably has
an accurately machined flat tip at the opposite end to the handle.
Aviation Metal Snips: See "Hacksaw."
Trouble Light: A very appropriately named tool. Its two main purposes are to
shine an intense light directly into your eyes instead of onto the part you are
trying to illuminate and also to consume 40 watt light bulbs at the same rate
as a 105 mm Howitzer consumes shells. Sometimes called a drop light for
reasons obvious to anybody who has used one.
Philips Screwdriver: Normally used to stab the silver vacuum seals under the
screw off lids of oil cans but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip
out the heads of Phillips screws.
Pry Bar: A tool often used to crumple the metal surrounding a clip or bracket
you needed to remove in order to replace that 50 cent part.
Hose Cutter: Used to make hoses too short.
Hammer: Originally used as a weapon of war, but nowadays used as a device
used to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the part you are trying
to hit.
Utility Knife: Used to open boxes and slice through the contents of packages
delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on items such as seats,
CD's, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines etc. Especially useful for
slicing through work clothes, but only when you are in them.
Dammit Tool: Any tool that gets thrown across the garage as you yell
"Dammit!" It is also the next tool that you will need.
Expletive: A soothing balm, or mechanics lube, usually applied verbally and
in hindsight, which somehow eases the pain and embarrassment of our lack
of foresight.
Drill Press: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat bar
stock out of your hands, striking you in the chest and flinging your beer
across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part on the
workbench.
Wire Wheel: Cleans paint off bolts and throws them under the workbench at
the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and guitar calluses in the time
it takes to say "ouch!"
Electric Hand Drill: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until
you die of old age.
Pliers: Used to round off bolt heads. May also be used to create blood
blisters.
Hacksaw: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija Board principle.
It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion and the
more you attempt to influence its direction the more dismal your failure
becomes.
Vice Grips: Generally used after pliers to further round off a bolt. If
nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding
heat to the palm of your hand.
Oxy-acetylene Torch: Used almost exclusively for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for setting fire to the grease
around that wheel bearing you were trying to remove by heating the hub.
Whitworth Sockets: Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles. Now mostly are hammered over bolts previously rounded by vice
grips.
Hydraulic Floor Jack: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after
installing new brake shoes, trapping the handle firmly under the bumper.
May also be used to lower vehicle onto the plastic pail you drained the
engine oil into, immediately prior to moving the vehicle and spilling oil all
over your concrete driveway.
Two by Four: An eight-foot long bar made of wood used for levering the
vehicle upward off the hydraulic floor jack handle.
Tweezers: A too l for removing 2X4 splinters or wire wheel wires from your
fingers.
E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor: A tool 10 times harder than any known
drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes. Works well in inexpensive or easy to
replace parts but using this tool in expensive parts will cause almost certain
failure.
Two-Ton Engine Hoist: Used for testing the tensile strength of electrical
wires, hoses etc that you forgot to disconnect.
Craftsman 1/2 X 16 inch Screwdriver. A large pry bar that inexplicably has
an accurately machined flat tip at the opposite end to the handle.
Aviation Metal Snips: See "Hacksaw."
Trouble Light: A very appropriately named tool. Its two main purposes are to
shine an intense light directly into your eyes instead of onto the part you are
trying to illuminate and also to consume 40 watt light bulbs at the same rate
as a 105 mm Howitzer consumes shells. Sometimes called a drop light for
reasons obvious to anybody who has used one.
Philips Screwdriver: Normally used to stab the silver vacuum seals under the
screw off lids of oil cans but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip
out the heads of Phillips screws.
Pry Bar: A tool often used to crumple the metal surrounding a clip or bracket
you needed to remove in order to replace that 50 cent part.
Hose Cutter: Used to make hoses too short.
Hammer: Originally used as a weapon of war, but nowadays used as a device
used to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the part you are trying
to hit.
Utility Knife: Used to open boxes and slice through the contents of packages
delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on items such as seats,
CD's, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines etc. Especially useful for
slicing through work clothes, but only when you are in them.
Dammit Tool: Any tool that gets thrown across the garage as you yell
"Dammit!" It is also the next tool that you will need.
Expletive: A soothing balm, or mechanics lube, usually applied verbally and
in hindsight, which somehow eases the pain and embarrassment of our lack
of foresight.
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