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LMFAO !!!!! That is Funny !!
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A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's house, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.
"Is your Dad home?"
"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."
"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she went to town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a minute, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message for ya."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzie pregnant."
The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."ST400R ATTEX(Smiley)
500 Super Chief
I love the smell of Blendzall in the morningComment
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I hope no one has heard this one, as I didn't read them all.
A man went into a pet store to buy a parrot.
He found a beautiful bird, and decided that was the one, so he bought it and took it home.
When he got home the parrot started talking, but the parrot was very rude.
He swore and swore, and insulted his new owner constantly.
The man tried to talk to the parrot, and improve his language, but nothing worked.
Finally the man got frustrated, and put the parrot in the freezer.
A minute later the man felt guilty, and let the parrot out.
The parrot had changed completely, and said
" My dear sir, I am so sorry for my bad behavior, and it will never happen again.
Please forgive me, but if I may ask, what was it that the chicken did?"
SteveComment
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Bravo , ��Originally posted by scimanstev View PostST400R ATTEX(Smiley)
500 Super Chief
I love the smell of Blendzall in the morningComment
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Most embarrassing moment.
A man waited in line to buy his wife some Tampax. He already felt uneasy, but there was no price in the item.
The cashier called over the intercom, "Tampax price check, isle 6."
A man in hardware mistook Tampax for thumb tax, and boomed back over the intercom, "The kind you push in with your thumb, or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"
SteveComment
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HahaST400R ATTEX(Smiley)
500 Super Chief
I love the smell of Blendzall in the morningComment
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The Fire truck
A fireman was working outside the station when a little girl wearing a firefighter's helmet rolled up in a wagon that was decked out like a firetruck, complete with a stepladder hanging from the side and a garden hose coiled up in the middle.
Pulling the wagon were a dog and a cat, each tethered by a rope---one rope to the dog's collar, and one rope, strangely, to the cat's tail.
"What a great firetruck!" said the fireman. The girl smiled. "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig," the fireman continued, "but I think you could go faster if you tied that rope around your cat's collar instead of his tail."
"You're probably right," said the little girl, "but then I wouldn't have a siren!"ST400R ATTEX(Smiley)
500 Super Chief
I love the smell of Blendzall in the morningComment
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Awesome!
SteveComment
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Good one!
sigpicComment
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A carburetor walks into a bar, hops up on a stool, says "Gimme a beer and a shot of whiskey!", and proceeds to put a shaft, a lever, a plate, and a bimetallic spring on the bar.
The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of choke?"ST400R ATTEX(Smiley)
500 Super Chief
I love the smell of Blendzall in the morningComment
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LolWhat it lacks in ground clearance it makes up for with traction.Comment
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One is using a guide dog and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.
At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "Ya know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die"ST400R ATTEX(Smiley)
500 Super Chief
I love the smell of Blendzall in the morningComment
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Guy gets on the elevator, doors close, he looks over to a woman standing next to him and asks, "can I smell your feet"? women responds with disgust, "NO"......guys says, "must be your p*&&y then"Comment
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Bob walked into a bar around 5:58 PM.
He sat down next to a very attractive blonde at the bar and
stared up at the TV.
The 6 PM news was coming on. The news crew was
covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building
preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think
he'll jump?"
Bob said, "You know, I reckon he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
The blonde placed her money on the bar, and kept watching
the scene on the TV. The guy on the ledge did a swan
dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to
Bob. "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw
this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would
jump."
The blonde replied, "I did, too, but I didn't think
he'd do it again."
Bob took the money.......ST400R ATTEX(Smiley)
500 Super Chief
I love the smell of Blendzall in the morningComment
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sigpicComment
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