joke time

[Andyman]

a woman is letting her cat in the house, closes the door a bit to soon and chops off the cats tail

she is very upset and puts the cat in a pet carrier

she then drives it to walmart and takes it to the customer service desk

she tells the woman behind the counter what happened

the woman says that a terrible thing that happened to your cat but why are you here?

the old woman says, I heard that you are the largest retailer in the world.

[marauder]

Good one Andy.

Here's another one:

Two guys are out in a row boat on a lake fishing, one guy is catching all kinds of fish and the other one is not catching a thing.

After about an hour of this the unlucky guy turns to the other guy and says "What is your secret? Here we are in the same boat on the same lake using the same fishing gear and you are catching all kinds of fish and I am not catching a thing."

The other guy says "Well, if it's a fishing day, I look at my wife when I wake up and if she is sleeping on her left side I sit on the left side of the boat, and if she is sleeping on her right side I sit on the right side of the boat."

The other guy says "Well, that's all well and good, but what if she is sleeping on her back?"

And the other guys says "Well, then it's not a fishing day."

[Andyman]

haha

[Andyman]

Italian poker Game

Six retired Italian guys were playing poker in their Florida condo clubhouse in Burnt Store Isles yesterday when Guido who just lost $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up. At the end of the game, Giovanni looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna' tell his wife?"

They cut the cards. Pasquale picks the low card and has to carry the news.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me!"

So, Pasquale goes over to the Guido's condo and knocks on the door.

The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants?

Pasquale declares, "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.

"I'll go tell him." says Pasquale.

[wedge]

Good one !!!! Lol !!

[Andyman]

do you know why cowboys roll their hats up on the sides?……..so they can fit three in a 6X6

[tbone9]

Lol.

[Andyman]

Successful career change

A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was
on the verge of being burned out. Hoping to try another career
where skilful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change
careers and became an auto mechanic.

He found out from the local technical college what was involved,
signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all
he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the
gynaecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam
with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had
obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the instructor saying, "I don't want to
appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if
there had been an error that needs adjusting?"

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart
perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine
back together again perfectly which is also worth 50% of the mark."

The instructor went on to say, "I gave you an extra 50% because you
did all of it through the muffler."

[jeffery9076]

[Don]

My wife is home recovering from surgery and not at her best. I read her this joke and she laughed out loud- I think you made her day, Andy. Thanks for the laugh!

[Andyman]

My wife is home recovering from surgery and not at her best. I read her this joke and she laughed out loud- I think you made her day, Andy. Thanks for the laugh!

I hope she is all better soon Don

Glad she laughed, it is good medicine

[Andyman]

Two old guys, one 70 and one 75, were sitting on a park bench one morning.

The 75-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 70-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 75-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 70-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want five loaves."

She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this but me.

[boyerbl]

Pete just got married and wanted to take his new Father in Law fishing in his Max 6x6.

Out on the lake Pete baits his hook and drops into the water. His father in law reaching into his tackle box pulls out a stick of dynamite. After lighting it and tossing it into the water resulting in a huge explosion then nets 3 good sized fish.

Pete with a surprised look on his face says “I don’t know if your daughter told you but I am a game warden”

Smiling the father in law reaches back into the tackle box pulls out another stick, lighting it and hands it to Pete.

He then says “Are you going to talk or are you going to fish?”

[Andyman]

[Andyman]

Canadian Super Market

New Canadian Supermarket

Awhile ago a new supermarket opened in Winchester , Ontario. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.

Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is the scent of freshly mowed hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of
charcoal grilled steaks with onions..


When you approach the egg case, you hear hens clucking and cackling, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.


The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.


I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.